Exactly how bonkers were the Kickstarter backer rewards?

Putting aside the pitch that we know was a total farce, what about the items that 22cans were offering for backer/stretch rewards*...and how impossible were they in the first place?  Some of these, on a design basis, are so out there in personalisation - especially for mobile.  Numerically, these are just...well, take a look:

3211 BENEFACTOR
1188 (594 * 2) PATRON
 (Only this tier gets 2 pets, as the others include BENEFACTOR rewards.**)
215 ACOLYTE
495 ASSOCIATE

5109 "unique to you" pets.
 - "you will be granted your own in-game pet or familiar (a mystical animal who’s unique to you)"

634 PARTNER
106 VALKYRIE
40 ELEMENTAL
15 IMMORTAL
5 DEITY
3 IDOL
5 GOD OF GODS

808 who will have followers carve a statue of their image.

495 ASSOCIATE
1268 (634 * 2) PARTNER
318 (106 * 3) VALKYRIE
120 (40 * 3) ELEMENTAL
60 (15 * 4) IMMORTAL
20 (5 * 4) DEITY
12 (3 * 4) IDOL
20 (5 * 4) GOD OF GODS

2313 personalised title screens.

15 IMMORTAL
5 DEITY
3 IDOL
5 GOD OF GODS

28 in-game characters with unique personality and look to "appear in every person's Homeworld" along with physical figurines of their characters provided to each of those backers.

5 DEITY
3 IDOL
(GOD OF GODS tier is specifically excluded.)

8 get a real, exclusive piece of hand engraved GODUS Titanium jewellery, hand made and beset with one sparkling real diamond.

3 IDOL
5 GOD OF GODS

8 get to throw food at Peter across the dinner table while offering better design documents sculpted into their mash.
 
Then there's the other stuff.

Non-personalised tier rewards:

• Wishing Well Microtransactions The Pit of Doom (EL OH EL "exclusive"!)
• The Art Book (22cans held a poll to see which they would make, an Art Book or a Making Of Godus Book, but then did whatever they wanted to anyways.)
• STUDENT - 359 backed this tier - was there any guest lecture at a university? Does Train2Game count?
  
• Game achievement/trophy (Godus has no achievements at all according to Steam.)

Stretch Goals:

• 3 Additional singleplayer and multiplayer game modes (STILL MIA for the foreseeable forever since single-player development went to two island maps and stalled out while the "Combat Sprint" has been going on instead.)
  
• Begin your own sect "A deep social and competitive feature" (Does sculpting count? Get it? "Deep"? Hahahaha...ha...)
  
• James Leach writes game story (22cans EPIC FAIL'd this one hard.)
  
• Multiplayer co-op and Possession Mode (How DO you co-op a cow clicker? "Can you click on my belief bubbles for me?" or something like that? Also, no real point for a Possession Mode at this time in game state and in the offered plans 22cans have provided.)
  
• Linux version (LOLMarmaladewe'resosorry.)
  

* - You know, those things that 22cans said "Give us money and we'll give you these things!" in explicit agreement...
** - The PATRON tier also includes "Plus everything else a SUPPORTER gets and @22cans will follow you avidly on Twitter."  Avidly following ~600 people?