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Post by hardly on May 20, 2015 21:22:24 GMT
22cans want to have a GODUS related competition that shows the communities creativity. I suggest we have a creative writing competition. Here is the assignment:
• write a report from the community manager Dave (that's who you are pretending to be as the writer) to Peter Molyneux detailing the community goings on from the last two - three weeks.
• the idea of the report is to help Peter understand the mood in the community and to gather constructive feedback for the development.
Now if you want to submit a winning entry you need to capture humour as well a voice that could realistically (at least in a tongue and cheek way) be Dave's. Obviously this forum and steam are good areas for gathering info and tracking events but think creatively about what Peter needs to know. Exaggeration and embleshment are encouraged t.
While we need writers but we also need judges. If anyone doesn't want to enter but would love to score the entries by people that do please put yourself forward. Let's reserve this thread for submissions and if you want to post about the competition or volunteer to be a judge please do so in a thread created for that purpose (if you are the first you need to create it).
Have fun and be creative. If you don't like writing you could record a video or audio report. You can use whatever media you think is effective. Let's show them how creative this community is with our humour.
Finally if you are not banned from Steam like me please consider posting a link to this post on the relevant steam thread.
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Post by hardly on May 20, 2015 23:21:00 GMT
Ok here is my first submission:
A missive from the front lines.
Peter, if GODUS is the Eastern front then the our enemy (the community) are making Steam our Stalingrad. Mein Fuhrer, our campaign has stalled, our men our are dispirited, deshevelled, without supplies, and cannot carry on. When George (now defected, his last words being "I take Stalin over Molyneux") requested reinforcements you sent me Aynen.
While Aynen is a zealot, and fights like a berserker, his behaviour, like that of his brother Muir, is such that our allies have no more love for him than the enemy. Why just yesterday he turned his gun on four of our Italian allies and ordered them to cross the field and join then enemy. He cried something about traitors to the great Molyneux and fired his weapon allegedly in warning, but in actuality wounding several of them as they crossed no man's land.
The enemy welcomed the Italians as brothers, as they are wont to do, and now we face the indignity of having our own ammunition and weapons fired at us. They are constantly celebrating small victories with great merriment and joviality. I on the other hand are forced to listen to endless gripes about our lack of supplies or about Muir and Aynen's latest antics. I swear they shot five men last week for complaining about the conditions. If we shoot every man an army that complains there would be no army. I know they are you sisters's nephews by marriage but I'll be damned if they aren't the two dumbest corporals in the army. Thank god these two need to sleep which is the only time we are spared their idiocy.
I'm confused about what you think we are achieving here, desertion is rife with Pavle sneaking off last night under the cover of darkness. It feels like just yesterday that your deputy, Jack, left speaking only briefly to Laura (a sympathetic member of the local press) and then strolling out in broad daylight never to be seen again. This demoralised the men as they saw him as your representative on the front and question why he was allowed to desert with mount sanction.
The latest boy you sent me, Richard, is barely more than a child and completely incapable of even holding a rifle. I constantly reassure the men that the campaign continues as normal but they can see we've stalled in this god forsaken place and that you are pulling troops back across the front for redeployment on new IP AKA the western front. They say you provide free energy drinks and take the men on in the west on outings in the countryside. They speak of great tactical gains that are sorely missing here.
Our Colonel, Moo, hasn't been seen in months. Last word was he was working on a grand plan for what he referred to as der Tag, "the day". One can only assume this is meant to save us but it's been six months and no plan has been seen. To spirit the men I've taken to dressing in his uniform and appearing at a distance so as to remind them of his presence. All our hopes rest Moo's plan and I fear it may not arrive before the last man deserts.
Please great Molyneux I beseech you, allow us to abandon this position before it's too late.
Dave
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Post by mindless on May 21, 2015 11:35:00 GMT
To: Peter Molyneux (fluffyBunnykins)
From: Dave (mrdrpink)
Subject: Status Update
Body:
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop. We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop. We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop. We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop. We are poop, We are poop, We are poop. We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop. We are poop: "We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop".
We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop, We are poop.
Dave
p.s. We are poop.
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Post by 13thGeneral on May 22, 2015 2:18:19 GMT
Oh great an Heavenly Master, He-Whom-Is-The-Chosen-One, God of Awesome Ideas and Super Cool Games, Peter "Delicious" Molyneux,
I've done everything you asked. The vile denizens are hopeless and beyond my grasp of understanding; they revolt but are helpless against our Superiority. The Mods have succumbed to your manipulations and are performing splendidly carrying out your every whim - the Ban Hammer is in full affect as you requested.
What is thy will?
-Sheep #15
ps. Your will has been my undying command, as you desired. I rubbed the lotion on my skin and put it in the basket. Please untie me and let me out of the oubliette now. And can I have some food and clothes, I'm starving and it's cold down here. I miss my family, and I think I left the stove on.
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Post by totallytim on Jun 5, 2015 11:19:22 GMT
Dear P,
Rumour has it people aren't satisfied with the Poopcake you delivered and no one here at the bar next to our pretend studio is able to understand why. Some people claim you promised a sandcastle which shouldn't contain poop... What a ridiculous notion, since poop is obviously a vastly superior throwing material than sand. That shit sticks around you know. I mean have those people ever tried throwing sand? Like you said, if you want something to stick you gotta use poop. Sure sand might have its positives, but I feel like those simpletons just can't comprehend the beauty of and zen feeling of making poopcakes.
As you suggested I tried telling our resident bullies that nothing is set in poop and that our new and super complex 'crapbat' feature will change everything. I even tried to sprinkle some sand on top of that shit to persuade the naysayers, but the meanies saw right through that. Some of them couldn't leave shit alone and tried to scare off unknowing newcomers. We tried everything to calm them down and promote our product. We threw hard poop, soft poop and a combination of both so it got a bit messy. We tried taking some poop away and we even tried no poop at all for a few weeks, but nothing helped and the bulling wouldn't stop. From what I recall the chief meanies were verbally and probably also physically abusing innocents who asked about the Poopcake, but the details are still a bit fuzzy because of those regular business meetings we have at the bar. Well in the end A & M finally snapped and got rid of them for good. But don't worry about anything, P. I trust them completely. You gotta visit the forums sometime and see what kind of bullshit they're able to come up with for us when they aren't deleting evidence... er... I mean bad off topic posts. We might let them drink with us sometime, because these two deserve it. In any case, our pretend Steam rules give us the moral high ground and if fart comes to turd we'll just blame it on some anonymous senior Steam mod.
We also stopped publishing our daily dev diary crapdates, because there's only so much bullshit one can produce until you just can't go any more. So that's on hold for the foreseeable future, which is about as far I'm able to throw poop.
Anyhow that's it for now. I'll keep you posted if anything interesting happens.
Chillio,
your D.
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Post by hardly on Jun 6, 2015 6:59:58 GMT
Dear P, Rumour has it people aren't satisfied with the Poopcake you delivered and no one here at the bar next to our pretend studio is able to understand why. Some people claim you promised a sandcastle which shouldn't contain poop... What a ridiculous notion, since poop is obviously a vastly superior throwing material than sand. That shit sticks around you know. I mean have those people ever tried throwing sand? Like you said, if you want something to stick you gotta use poop. Sure sand might have its positives, but I feel like those simpletons just can't comprehend the beauty of and zen feeling of making poopcakes. As you suggested I tried telling our resident bullies that nothing is set in poop and that our new and super complex 'crapbat' feature will change everything. I even tried to sprinkle some sand on top of that shit to persuade the naysayers, but the meanies saw right through that. Some of them couldn't leave shit alone and tried to scare off unknowing newcomers. We tried everything to calm them down and promote our product. We threw hard poop, soft poop and a combination of both so it got a bit messy. We tried taking some poop away and we even tried no poop at all for a few weeks, but nothing helped and the bulling wouldn't stop. From what I recall the chief meanies were verbally and probably also physically abusing innocents who asked about the Poopcake, but the details are still a bit fuzzy because of those regular business meetings we have at the bar. Well in the end A & M finally snapped and got rid of them for good. But don't worry about anything, P. I trust them completely. You gotta visit the forums sometime and see what kind of bullshit they're able to come up with for us when they aren't deleting evidence... er... I mean bad off topic posts. We might let them drink with us sometime, because these two deserve it. In any case, our pretend Steam rules give us the moral high ground and if fart comes to turd we'll just blame it on some anonymous senior Steam mod. We also stopped publishing our daily dev diary crapdates, because there's only so much bullshit one can produce until you just can't go any more. So that's on hold for the foreseeable future, which is about as far I'm able to throw poop. Anyhow that's it for now. I'll keep you posted if anything interesting happens. Chillio, your D. Nice brother, this made me laugh. |
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