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Post by Aynen on Aug 10, 2015 13:53:13 GMT
For a lot of people, drinking has a function. And when they try to quit drinking they forget about the function it has. This is important because if they don't replace drinking with something else that can have that function, they will have a much tougher time trying to stop. In your case, at least in the example of Saturday when you drank, the function was to process having a tough day. If this has been the reason for drinking more often in the past, it'd really help to come up with a strategy for when you have another tough day. A plan for what to do instead of drinking when you're feeling frustrated, stressed or sad. Not replacing the drinking with anything else is pretending not to be human. As humans we just have really tough times every now and then, and we all need coping mechanisms. There's nothing weak or wrong about that. It's just that difficult to be a human being sometimes. I'll list a few things you could try as alternative coping mechanisms to use at the end of a bad day to make yourselves feel better: - Have a romantic movie night together. - Have a talk together about what bothered you that day. - Invite friends over. - Play (board-)games together. You get the idea, something to do to change your mind, or to talk about your feelings instead so you can process them. (and build your relationship at the same time) Also, never be hard on yourself for slipping. That just makes you feel worse, when you're in need of feeling better. And having that need is absolutely fine  Good luck! |
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Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
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I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
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Post by Lord Ba'al on Aug 10, 2015 15:09:12 GMT
One of my colleagues said the exact same thing this morning! Is it possible to just have one drink? I guess I'll find out. Ultimately, this is something I need to learn to deal with if I'm going to make sustainable changes to my drinking habits. On a day where I typically binge (e.g. pub quiz) I am likely to go straight back to my old habits in September. But if I've learned I can have one drink, or at least alternate with soft drinks, that will have a long term positive impact. A good achievement would be to drink on fewer days, and on days when I do drink, drinking less. A fully dry August would help with the first goal but perhaps not so much the second. There are situations where it is possible to have one drink. No time for another. No money. Too tired to have another. A few other reasons. |
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Post by hardly on Aug 10, 2015 22:00:09 GMT
I've always used gaming as an escape/outlet from stress. I really like emerseing myself in a game. I think as an introvert it helps to cope with stress by focusing on interactions that are predictable and don't involve other people or at least the people that are challenging. So at the end of our difficult day I would have likely dealt with it by playing Civ for a few hours and after a while balance would have been restored.
I'm quite emotionally even most of the time so I only really get annoyed at home when I'm doing stuff I hate, as soon as I'm free from chores and gaming I'm happy again.
I'm not very helpful when it comes to the whole temptation of drinking part. I've never loved alcohol although I do like to drink occasionally. I've usually drunk to get drunk and rarely for the taste. So although I accept that others like it more than I do, I still can't quite grasp really wanting to taste alcohol as a reward.
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Post by hardly on Aug 10, 2015 22:10:50 GMT
I hope the post about doesn't give you the impression of me being a big loner nomates, I like doing stuff with other people, but when I'm stressed and annoyed I like to play games.
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 11, 2015 10:27:33 GMT
Tuesday 11th AugustThis is unlikely to be a very exciting week. Yesterday we spent the evening painting shed panels. It'll be the same tonight and tomorrow. We seem to be pretty good at resisting the temptation to reward our hard work with drinking. Following Qetesh's suggestion, I have been exploring more interesting soft drink options. My go-to soft drink has always been diet coke. I have now bought a few different cordials and some bottles of sparkling water. I was surprised by how many choices of cordial there were at the supermarket. My fiance keeps a bottle of Ribena around, but these more premium options (still WAY cheaper than a basket full of booze) were much nicer and less sickly-sweet. Belvoir Ginger CordialTesco Finest Strawberry and Raspberry cordial Teisseire Raspberry and Cranberry Syrup (sugar-free, not tried this one yet) If anyone is looking for substitutes for alcoholic drinks, or just wants to try something different, I recommend trying a few of these. Most cordials are sugar-based (it's the first ingredient) but you can dilute them quite heavily and still get a really delicious, subtle flavour without overpowering sweetness or having to worry about calories.
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Casinha
Master
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Post by Casinha on Aug 11, 2015 10:40:55 GMT
Elderflower is the bee's knees.
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Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
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Post by Lord Ba'al on Aug 11, 2015 11:20:39 GMT
What's a cordial?
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 11, 2015 11:23:09 GMT
I saw there were a few Elderflower-based options. I might pick up some more flavours today. I've always used gaming as an escape/outlet from stress. I really like emerseing myself in a game. I think as an introvert it helps to cope with stress by focusing on interactions that are predictable and don't involve other people or at least the people that are challenging. So at the end of our difficult day I would have likely dealt with it by playing Civ for a few hours and after a while balance would have been restored. I'm quite emotionally even most of the time so I only really get annoyed at home when I'm doing stuff I hate, as soon as I'm free from chores and gaming I'm happy again. I'm not very helpful when it comes to the whole temptation of drinking part. I've never loved alcohol although I do like to drink occasionally. I've usually drunk to get drunk and rarely for the taste. So although I accept that others like it more than I do, I still can't quite grasp really wanting to taste alcohol as a reward. We both enjoy games as a way to relax. I got massively into State of Decay (playing house in the zombie apocalypse) and have recently started trying Terraria. We picked up the original Red Alert, which is now freeware, and played a few co-op skirmishes. I can happily sit playing games or marathoning TV series as a way to relax. |
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 11, 2015 11:24:51 GMT
Sweet, fruit-based syrup that you dilute in water to make a flavoured drink. |
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Post by hardly on Aug 11, 2015 19:25:33 GMT
I really like ginger beer as a booze substitute. The only downside is it is still high in sugar.
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 12, 2015 9:33:28 GMT
Wednesday August 12th
Last night we were supposed to paint the shed, but it got rained off so we ended up sitting around the house. My fiance mentioned how he would really like to open a bottle of wine. Wine is problematic under my new self-imposed "one or two drinks" rule. If we open a bottle of wine we tend to drink it between us, which means half a bottle. We could drink one glass then put the rest in the fridge, but wine doesn't keep all that well once it's open. We'd need to finish it within a couple of days or else throw it out. We'd end up blowing our whole 'allowance' of drinks for the week in two consecutive days - not only that, but on a Tuesday and Wednesday, which shouldn't even be drinking days! Clearly, this would defeat the object of Dry August. It's also not what I had in mind when I created the "one or two drinks" rule.
Doing Dry August as a team effort has the massive adventage of being able to support each other and set a good example, but the downside is that if one person weakens then the other person is highly likely to break too. I had not even considered drinking yesterday until my fiance brought it up.
Anyway, to cut to the chase, I said no and we succeeded in surviving another day without booze.
Tonight is either DIY if the weather stays good, or gym if it doesn't. It seems that sitting around playing games or watching TV is a much bigger booze-risk than I had previously realised.
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Post by Aynen on Aug 12, 2015 9:37:27 GMT
Wednesday August 12thLast night we were supposed to paint the shed, but it got rained off so we ended up sitting around the house. My fiance mentioned how he would really like to open a bottle of wine. Wine is problematic under my new self-imposed "one or two drinks" rule. If we open a bottle of wine we tend to drink it between us, which means half a bottle. We could drink one glass then put the rest in the fridge, but wine doesn't keep all that well once it's open. We'd need to finish it within a couple of days or else throw it out. We'd end up blowing our whole 'allowance' of drinks for the week in two consecutive days - not only that, but on a Tuesday and Wednesday, which shouldn't even be drinking days! Clearly, this would defeat the object of Dry August. It's also not what I had in mind when I created the "one or two drinks" rule. Doing Dry August as a team effort has the massive adventage of being able to support each other and set a good example, but the downside is that if one person weakens then the other person is highly likely to break too. I had not even considered drinking yesterday until my fiance brought it up. Anyway, to cut to the chase, I said no and we succeeded in surviving another day without booze. Tonight is either DIY if the weather stays good, or gym if it doesn't. It seems that sitting around playing games or watching TV is a much bigger booze-risk than I had previously realised. Well done! Glad you resisted the temptation, keep it up! |
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Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
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Post by Lord Ba'al on Aug 12, 2015 10:18:59 GMT
I'm starting to really dislike your fiance.
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 12, 2015 10:31:14 GMT
Thanks Aynen. Small victories seem insignificant in retrospect; it's easy to forget what a struggle it is sometimes to make the right choice. Haha, Lord Ba'al It's interesting because Dry August was initially his idea and I hadn't really wanted to do it. We have slightly different motiviations so that is probably impacting our drive to succeed. Also, while I'm documenting my progress on a forum and getting extra moral support, as well as public scrutiny over any failure, he (to my knowledge) is not. I think this has made an enormous difference to me. When I'm weighing up the idea of having a drink, the thought of confessing it here afterwards is definitely a factor! My fiance is purely thinking of his body fat percentage. Slips don't matter as much to him because he could justify it by doing some extra gym sessions or going on a bike ride. I am more interested in the wider impact that alcohol has on my health and my lifestyle. |
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Post by morsealworth on Aug 12, 2015 11:03:33 GMT
What about sex instead of alcohol? It's healthier, safer, cheaper and you are with your fiancé. Not in public, but when you're alone together it can help you get booze off your mind AND burn calories.
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Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
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Post by Lord Ba'al on Aug 12, 2015 11:45:14 GMT
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a swell guy, but so far all I know about him is that he has attempted to trip you up in your grand plan 3 times in about a week and a half. Perhaps you should invite him over here so we can have a stern talk with him and assess whether he is really the right guy for you.  |
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Post by hardly on Aug 12, 2015 20:58:26 GMT
Wednesday August 12thLast night we were supposed to paint the shed, but it got rained off so we ended up sitting around the house. My fiance mentioned how he would really like to open a bottle of wine. Wine is problematic under my new self-imposed "one or two drinks" rule. If we open a bottle of wine we tend to drink it between us, which means half a bottle. We could drink one glass then put the rest in the fridge, but wine doesn't keep all that well once it's open. We'd need to finish it within a couple of days or else throw it out. We'd end up blowing our whole 'allowance' of drinks for the week in two consecutive days - not only that, but on a Tuesday and Wednesday, which shouldn't even be drinking days! Clearly, this would defeat the object of Dry August. It's also not what I had in mind when I created the "one or two drinks" rule. Doing Dry August as a team effort has the massive adventage of being able to support each other and set a good example, but the downside is that if one person weakens then the other person is highly likely to break too. I had not even considered drinking yesterday until my fiance brought it up. Anyway, to cut to the chase, I said no and we succeeded in surviving another day without booze. Tonight is either DIY if the weather stays good, or gym if it doesn't. It seems that sitting around playing games or watching TV is a much bigger booze-risk than I had previously realised. I'm questioning why there is alcohol in the house. You should give everything you have away and buy a bunch of nice alcoholic drinks. that way when you really want something you'll reach for the non alcoholic stuff. |
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 13, 2015 13:22:17 GMT
Wednesday August 12thLast night we were supposed to paint the shed, but it got rained off so we ended up sitting around the house. My fiance mentioned how he would really like to open a bottle of wine. Wine is problematic under my new self-imposed "one or two drinks" rule. If we open a bottle of wine we tend to drink it between us, which means half a bottle. We could drink one glass then put the rest in the fridge, but wine doesn't keep all that well once it's open. We'd need to finish it within a couple of days or else throw it out. We'd end up blowing our whole 'allowance' of drinks for the week in two consecutive days - not only that, but on a Tuesday and Wednesday, which shouldn't even be drinking days! Clearly, this would defeat the object of Dry August. It's also not what I had in mind when I created the "one or two drinks" rule. Doing Dry August as a team effort has the massive adventage of being able to support each other and set a good example, but the downside is that if one person weakens then the other person is highly likely to break too. I had not even considered drinking yesterday until my fiance brought it up. Anyway, to cut to the chase, I said no and we succeeded in surviving another day without booze. Tonight is either DIY if the weather stays good, or gym if it doesn't. It seems that sitting around playing games or watching TV is a much bigger booze-risk than I had previously realised. I'm questioning why there is alcohol in the house. You should give everything you have away and buy a bunch of nice alcoholic drinks. that way when you really want something you'll reach for the non alcoholic stuff. If we were trying to stop drinking on a more permanent basis, I would certainly get rid of the booze. However, we have always kept our house well-stocked and Dry August was a last-minute decision, so we're stuck with a few crates of lager, a load of ales and ciders, some spirits and most of the bottles from our quarterly wine club. I did make a few token gestures, such as clearing all of the white wine and lager out of the fridge. The availability of alcohol is unhelpful, but on the other hand I think having a choice is an important part of this process. If there is no alcohol in the house I can't have a drink at home, and my chance of succeeding a dry month with increase. But I wouldn't be acting on self-restraint or impulse control. It's the same with going out to dinner, or to the pub: I can entirely avoid these things and have a greater chance of success, but I wouldn't have learned anything for when the month is over. Thursday 13th AugustLast night there was no suggestion of drinking from anyone. My fiance's family are visiting us on Friday and Saturday, and his sister is definitely NOT doing dry August. We have put some wine in the fridge so we can open it on Friday night and share it with his family. I don't know if I'll drink or not. We are expecting to be handling some very bad news (my fiance's dad is extremely ill and has an appointment on Friday to discuss his prognosis). If I do drink, one bottle of wine between the 5 of us means one glass each which I think is acceptable. Today been one of those days where one thing after another goes wrong. We tried to put flea treatment on one of the cats and it went balistic, scratching up my fiance. My computer somehow broke overnight and I got caught up fixing it this morning, then was late for work. When I finally did get to the office my inbox was full of meeting cancellations and problems to deal with. On the plus side, Party Rings are buy 1 get 1 free in the supermarket. My fiance is not around tonight as he's driving up to collect his parents, so there should be no drinking tonight no matter how bad the day gets. |
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Post by morsealworth on Aug 13, 2015 14:38:43 GMT
We tried to put flea treatment on one of the cats and it went balistic, scratching up my fiance. The time I had to feed my cat gelmint medicine, I had to convince her for a long time there's nothing to fear. I feel for you on that one. And very good job holding it. |
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Post by Crumpy Six on Aug 16, 2015 17:29:05 GMT
I'm not going to be updating this thread anymore, but I would like to give enormous thanks to everyone who has been following, and especially everyone who has provided kind words and support throughout this process.
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