|
|
Post by Crumpy Six on Jan 4, 2016 12:36:40 GMT
Thanks echocdelta  So far so good. Though last time I tried this, I made it up to about 10 days. It all went wrong when we came up against the hurdle of dealing with a rough day. I should note I do have one 'exception' day planned, and that is January 16th. It's my friend's 30th birthday, and she is celebrating at her local pub. She is proud of her local and wants to show off the range of delicious ales they have on offer, as she knows we are normally ale-drinkers too. It's not her fault her birthday is in January. We are thinking of adding on a couple of weeks in February to make up for this. In August, my elastic approach to the rules got a little out of hand. January is a stricter affair. One exception day and that's it! |
|
|
|
Post by Crumpy Six on Jan 5, 2016 12:16:26 GMT
Monday 4th January
We were supposed to go to the boxing gym today but I didn't quite feel up to it. One of the benefits of going to the gym is that it removes all possibility of drinking in the evening, so cancelling gym sessions can be problematic. I felt the familiar a-beer-would-be-nice temptation but really, Monday is not normally a day where we'd have a drink, so it's easy to resist. Here's an easy question: what's the difference between "I enjoy a drink" and "I drink too much"? I say 'easy' because in this culture, people rarely have a problem with admitting they drink too much. In fact, they are often proud of it. Everyone in the UK will be familiar with the Monday morning anecdote in the office that begins "I got so drunk on Saturday night, I...". Here's a harder question: What's the difference between "I drink too much but I don't care" and "I drink too much and it's a problem that I need to address"? My own definition of this has been increasingly elastic. Someone once told me that you're not an alcoholic unless the first thing you do in the morning is down a bottle of vodka. I've also heard someone once happily describe themself as a "functional alcoholic" because they are able to drink themselves to oblivion on a regular basis, but still hold a job and have a 'normal' life (and do not drink the aforementioned bottle of vodka in the morning). If you suggest to someone that their drinking is problematic in any way, they suddenly become very defensive. That is not unexpected, when a person's lifestyle is called into question. Here's my current definition. You have a drinking problem if your drinking is affecting any of the following: - Your health
- Your relationships
- Your career
|
|
Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
|
Post by Lord Ba'al on Jan 5, 2016 16:09:31 GMT
I'd say there is a problem if you cannot get yourself to not have a drink just because of a certain situation.
|
|
|
|
Post by morsealworth on Jan 5, 2016 18:51:42 GMT
Answers:
1. There is none.
2. The latter does not exclude the former.
|
|
|
|
Post by hardly on Jan 6, 2016 0:39:43 GMT
Monday 4th January
We were supposed to go to the boxing gym today but I didn't quite feel up to it. One of the benefits of going to the gym is that it removes all possibility of drinking in the evening, so cancelling gym sessions can be problematic. I felt the familiar a-beer-would-be-nice temptation but really, Monday is not normally a day where we'd have a drink, so it's easy to resist. Here's an easy question: what's the difference between "I enjoy a drink" and "I drink too much"? I say 'easy' because in this culture, people rarely have a problem with admitting they drink too much. In fact, they are often proud of it. Everyone in the UK will be familiar with the Monday morning anecdote in the office that begins "I got so drunk on Saturday night, I...". Here's a harder question: What's the difference between "I drink too much but I don't care" and "I drink too much and it's a problem that I need to address"? My own definition of this has been increasingly elastic. Someone once told me that you're not an alcoholic unless the first thing you do in the morning is down a bottle of vodka. I've also heard someone once happily describe themself as a "functional alcoholic" because they are able to drink themselves to oblivion on a regular basis, but still hold a job and have a 'normal' life (and do not drink the aforementioned bottle of vodka in the morning). If you suggest to someone that their drinking is problematic in any way, they suddenly become very defensive. That is not unexpected, when a person's lifestyle is called into question. Here's my current definition. You have a drinking problem if your drinking is affecting any of the following: - Your health
- Your relationships
- Your career
I think whether or not you have an issue is directly proportional to how strong the urge is you feel to do said thing. If you can't contemplate giving that thing up then you are probably addicted to it. At times I have gambled a bit but I don't feel an irresistible urge to gamble. Chocolate on the other hand is difficult but I have control. If I hold my sugar consumption at a certain level the consequences are minimised and I feel in control. I constantly monitor and moderate my sugar intake. The first step to control is accepting the need for moderation and honestly assessing a safe level of consumption based on impacts. A person should make trade offs - if I have something now I'll forgo it later. When you have a problem you plan to drink tonight but not drink this weekend but do so anyway. In the past I was also a bit of a compulsive spender. After a while I realised I didn't actually want to own the DVDs I was buying, I just enjoyed collecting them. It was a compulsion. Now I have many thousands of dollars I wouldn't have had had I kept buying for another decade. You might say shopping is easy to stop because it's not a physical addiction but if you watch the crap people buy you realise that many of the people you know are addicted to spending, that they are scratching an itch when they spend not making a rational decision. You also forgot financial consequences which I think is very important (especially since I mentioned gambling and shopping!). Expenditure on anything represents other choices forgone. So I would say you should ask yourself if you are having trouble regulating. If you can't go to board games without drinking that's probably a problem. However that doesn't mean you can't drink at board games, just that you should be able to not drink without feeling the tug. The point of this exercise is to prove to yourself you can resist the tug, to deleverage your intake and then hopefully readjust your intake to a lower but more sustainable and healthy level (I say that not knowing where you are at of course). My wife challenged my in laws about doing what you were doing as they drink quite a bit. They said "we can't give up alcohol because we have all these social engagements where we have to drink." So they have a problem because they consider booze is inseparable from social engagements. So basically the more strongly you say "I have to do X" the more you have a problem. Assessing this obviously requires honesty. I hope these posts don't come off as judgey. We all have our vices that we struggle with and its never black and white, addict or abstinence. You often find the people with the biggest problem are the ones that see the issue in binary terms similar to your vodka in the morning example. Accepting that every unhealthy (or expensive) habit is problematic is probably a good start. Then you moderate. The level of moderation seems less important than a sustained effort to achieve some reduction. If you ever hear someone say "I don't have a problem because I'm not as bad as that guy" they probably have a problem. An addict will always attack any threat to their addiction and pointing not to things other people do is a classic line of offends. My in laws will say "we don't smoke" to justify their drinking. I haven't said this because they are my inlaws but whether or not you indulge in another unhealthy activity has nothing to do with the activity you are over indulging in. |
|
Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
|
Post by Lord Ba'al on Jan 6, 2016 6:21:49 GMT
I know someone who says they don't smoke when I talk to them about how much wine they are drinking.
I also used to collect dvds like crazy. Sometimes I bought one that I wasn't even really interested in but I needed something to justify spending time and money going into town. A couple of them are still wrapped in plastic. Some of the dvds I watched a lot and some of them only once or not at all. I did like the look of all of them lined up next to eachother. Before dvds I did the same thing with video games. Always looking for the bargains.
I also used to be an addict but I don't think I should talk about that here. I know that some people say "once an addict always an addict" but I don't agree on that.
|
|
|
|
Post by hardly on Jan 6, 2016 7:33:47 GMT
As you can probably tell I obsess about sugar a bit. Having said that, I ate two subway cookies for lunch (420 calories ouch) and a bowl of ice cream after dinner. As I said no paragon of virtue here.
I've always wondered, how much energy is in beer. It is weird that they aren't required to have nutrition information on the bottle.
So a teaspoon of sugar (4.2 grams) has 16 calories. A bottle of beer seems to have about 150 (http://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Calories-Popular-Beers-1504697)
So a bottle of beer has about 9.3 teaspoons of sugar. If you were to drink six beers, which isn't that much beer, it would be the equivalent of 55.8 teaspoons of sugar.
Comparing beer to chocolate, I have a block of chocolate here. 100g of chocolate has 563 calories, 6 bottles of beer has 900. Therefore six bottles of beer is equivalent to about 160 grams of chocolate.
A bottle of wine is apparently (I think this is pretty rough) about 640 calories, so more than 100 grams of chocolate.
|
|
|
|
Post by Qetesh on Jan 7, 2016 1:38:09 GMT
I think vices are a part of human nature. If you take one away, you usually substitute it with another one. I also think that if you have an addictive nature you always will. You might successfully quit all "usual" vices of drugs, drinking, smoking, gambling, eating or sex, but you picked up another more accepted lesser vile one. One such as gaming, shopping, jogging, working, fashion, cleaning or baking...etc.
Making observations about others levels of addiction or use of a vice is ultimately being judgey. Good or Bad, it is the definition of it. Unless you have NO vices at all in any way, I really just let it go in one ear and out the other. What you do or don't quit is entirely up to you. Your loved ones and friends can pray somebody will stop, they can beg, they can nag....but really It has to be for yourself.
I love wine and beer, but yes it is full of calories. All alcohol is, for me, calories are king, my drinks have 0 calories in them unless they have alcohol in them. I could never do non alcoholic wine or beer it would still have calories in it. I instead would opt for a nice seltzer with a small splash of juice in a pretty wine glass. This would have maybe 2 calories in it. I know it has no alcohol in it, but tbh the glass is more fun to drink out of. As a bartender for years I also did think it was a shame designated drivers got an ugly soda glass when their friends had the fun glasses, so I would make them a special mocktini with the fixins minus the booze. To each his own.
|
|
|
|
Post by morsealworth on Jan 7, 2016 8:33:35 GMT
You're saying that as if eating and sex are bad things. Those two feel good precisely because they ARE good, and that's the whole point of reward system that drugs hijack.
|
|
|
|
Post by Crumpy Six on Jan 7, 2016 12:12:51 GMT
I am fascinated by the calorie content of alcoholic drinks. When I did 10 days in August, I worked out that I saved about 3000 calories. This can't be entirely accurate though - I don't really believe it's possible that in a typical month, I am over-indulging by ~9000 calories. If that were the case I would be overweight. So when I drink I must eat less.
So far in Dry January I have been eating huge amounts of sugar. This is mainly because I have leftover sweets from Christmas and I can't resist gorging on them throughout the day. Thankfully I have now eaten them all.
Tuesday 5th January
No drinking.
Wednesday 6th January
No drinking. I had one of my non-alcoholic beers.
This week has suddenly become a bit difficult. In Dry August, the first failure followed a really bad day where my fiance and I had been getting on each other's nerves. He's been pretty down for the last couple of days and I don't know why, but I keep thinking "I know what would break this tension - a nice glass of wine".
|
|
|
|
Post by morsealworth on Jan 7, 2016 18:42:06 GMT
Or sex. Or playing games together.
There are many ways to relieve stress, including music and beating a rubber doll of your superior.
|
|
Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
|
Post by Lord Ba'al on Jan 7, 2016 19:22:13 GMT
Come to think of it I seem to be turning in a bit of a workaholic. Maybe I should quit working. Maybe last night's lottery will proof to be of assistance.
Crumpy, have you ever considered that your husband and you don't have to do a dry month at the same time? That might prove beneficial.
|
|
|
|
Post by Qetesh on Jan 7, 2016 19:31:41 GMT
Eating, gaming, sex etc...can be vices. If you do them obsessively.
I had an eating disorder for 8 years. I love food, but trust me it can be a vice, a very dangerous one if you at a weight of morbid obesity and end up with type two diabetes (which from my previous job in the medical field I can tell you, you can lose limbs and weaken your heart muscles from) or if you regret what you eat so much you exercise, use diuretics, vomit or starve yourself later as a result of it.
|
|
|
|
Post by hardly on Jan 7, 2016 20:53:22 GMT
I am fascinated by the calorie content of alcoholic drinks. When I did 10 days in August, I worked out that I saved about 3000 calories. This can't be entirely accurate though - I don't really believe it's possible that in a typical month, I am over-indulging by ~9000 calories. If that were the case I would be overweight. So when I drink I must eat less. So far in Dry January I have been eating huge amounts of sugar. This is mainly because I have leftover sweets from Christmas and I can't resist gorging on them throughout the day. Thankfully I have now eaten them all. Tuesday 5th JanuaryNo drinking.
Wednesday 6th January
No drinking. I had one of my non-alcoholic beers. This week has suddenly become a bit difficult. In Dry August, the first failure followed a really bad day where my fiance and I had been getting on each other's nerves. He's been pretty down for the last couple of days and I don't know why, but I keep thinking "I know what would break this tension - a nice glass of wine". Why does wine break the tension? What is the innate quality of wine that achieves this? The taste? The mild inebriation? I would suggest that you have conditioned yourself to believe that wine is the cure to this particular problem. Wine is a placebo made real and effective by your belief in its virtues. You must reject the premise that alcohol has any beneficial effect on your state of mind. It does not relax you, or create happiness where non existed before. Any power it has over you exists because you granted it that power. You decided at some point that you can only be happy in that situation with alcohol and equally you can decide to be happy in that situation without alcohol. I believe that it is only by accepting this truth that you will succeed in your goal. |
|
|
|
Post by hardly on Jan 8, 2016 4:20:16 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Crumpy Six on Jan 8, 2016 10:03:03 GMT
Brilliant article Hardly, thanks for sharing. I see some parallels with my own situation, but many differences too. This guy started his journey as an overweight, unhappy, unmotivated heavy drinker with low self-esteem. Quitting drinking was only one step he took in his transformation. He also became a vegetarian and started exercising 4 times a week. All of these factors combined would have contributed to his improved health and sense of wellbeing, but I believe the increased exercise would have probably had the biggest impact. I relate to his issues about being pressurised into drinking, and the decision to not drink changing his relationships with people. However, for someone who now claims to be super empathic, he doesn't show a lot of empathy to people who choose to drink. "You don't have to drink to have fun" is a common refrain from committed non-drinkers, but carries with it the slightly insulting implication that other people DO have to drink to have fun. Also, sometimes alcohol genuinely does make an occasion more fun (for me), and non-drinkers continually insisting otherwise, or that your sense of fun is 'wrong', is rather tiresome. It's a personal preference. It's not up to them to decide how much fun someone is having. His comments about saving money are definitely true. A huge portion of our monthly expenditure is on alcohol. His comment "you become amazingly productive" is a little off. Sure, you COULD. Part of his personal self-improvement plan was to get loads done and write a book and stuff, but that doesn't mean everyone who chooses to stop drinking is going to do the same. I haven't replaced drinking with anything in particular this month, but then I guess I don't often go to the pub for the sole purpose of having a drink with friends (especially in winter when you can't sit in the beer garden). He also says, interestingly, that he is less social now. For me personally, this would not be a good outcome of quitting drinking. |
|
|
|
Post by Crumpy Six on Jan 8, 2016 10:32:25 GMT
Thursday 7th January
We went to the boxing gym after work, and I had hoped this would cheer up my husband but it didn't. Everything is feeling grey at the moment. Something is very obviously wrong but he won't talk to me about it. In the back of my mind is the fear that Dry January is doing this, but I don't think that's the case. Last night I had a nightmare where I was alone in a zombie-infested post-apocalyptic world, which exactly expresses my feeling of cold isolation right now. I think with some dutch courage, he might be more open with me. This is another occasion where alcohol can serve a beneficial purpose.
|
|
|
|
Post by Qetesh on Jan 8, 2016 17:21:13 GMT
Thursday 7th JanuaryWe went to the boxing gym after work, and I had hoped this would cheer up my husband but it didn't. Everything is feeling grey at the moment. Something is very obviously wrong but he won't talk to me about it. In the back of my mind is the fear that Dry January is doing this, but I don't think that's the case. Last night I had a nightmare where I was alone in a zombie-infested post-apocalyptic world, which exactly expresses my feeling of cold isolation right now. I think with some dutch courage, he might be more open with me. This is another occasion where alcohol can serve a beneficial purpose. I can get down in dumps sometimes. My suggestion is a good night of a marathon of funny movies. It sounds lame but it can really help you take your mind off your own crap sometimes. Google "Funniest Movies" and have some popcorn and rootbeer and make a night of it. I laughed my ass off at Spy if you can get it. |
|
|
|
Post by Crumpy Six on Jan 9, 2016 22:40:34 GMT
Friday 8th January
Husband seems a bit happier today. We both wanted a beer or a bottle of wine in the evening, and I was so relieved to see him happy again it almost felt like a cause for celebration. We came very close to 'breaking' but we survived another day. We had a couple of friends around for board games which is not normally conducive to non-drinking efforts, but I've learned that the non-alcoholic beers work perfectly well as a substitute on occasions like this.
Board games night used to equate to a binge-drinking session for me, but Dry-ish August and Dry-so-far January have shown me that I enjoy them just as much without the alcohol.
Saturday 9th January
Due to not drinking last night and therefore not waking up hung over, I was able to get up early and do some light cardio. My charity fight has been moved forward to April so I don't have long to get in shape.
I think today is the closest we've come to 'breaking' so far this month, and there's not even a particular reason why. At around lunchtime we both started mentioning how much we'd enjoy a drink. My husband suggested a couple of times that we get a beer, and later on that we should open a bottle of wine. It's so difficult to say no. But when I refused, he also resisted, so it's working as a team effort.
Here's an interesting conundrum that came up today. We're going to cook a recipe that requires 200ml of red wine. The standard solution is obvious: open a bottle of wine, add what is needed and drink the rest whilst preparing the rest of the meal. What do non-drinkers do in such situations? Anyway, to ensure we would not be faced with a temptation we would surely be unable to resist, I went out and bought a half-bottle especially for the recipe so there'll be nothing left over.
|
|
Lord Ba'al
Supreme Deity
Posts: 6,260
Pledge level: Half a Partner
I like: Cats; single malt Scotch; Stargate; Amiga; fried potatoes; retro gaming; cheese; snickers; sticky tape.
I don't like: Dimples in the bottom of scotch bottles; Facebook games masquerading as godgames.
Steam: stonelesscutter
GOG: stonelesscutter
|
Post by Lord Ba'al on Jan 9, 2016 23:01:17 GMT
Or you could cook four times as much and share it with others.  |
|
So far so good. Though last time I tried this, I made it up to about 10 days. It all went wrong when we came up against the hurdle of dealing with a rough day. 
